I Heart Maybank........NOT

ARRGGG.


That's what I'm feeling now.


Maybank just f*cked up my credit card application. Again.

For the FOURTH time.

ARGGG.


*p/s i have never been to Tanjung Karang in my entire life. the relevance of this will be revealed later.



6 months ago i applied for a Visa Petronas whatchamacallit card coz, frankly, owning a piece of plastic i could really call 'my own' (and not one of those supplementary cards from daddy or mummy that makes me feel like i'm still weaning off breast milk :( ) was kinda like on the top of my to-do-when-im-no-longer-broke list.

And, and and...what can i say, in times like these where a guy is physically, emotionally and sexually rscrutinized based on the almighty 5C benchmark mercilessly set by the nefarious feminist bra burners at Cosmo and HerWorld, i definitely wouldn't want to be seen dead without atleast hitting one or two out of the big 5. I know, i know...blame it on MTV :( That being said, can't really remember what the 5Cs stand for anyway. Card, Cash, Car, Condo(?),.....COck? Hey, at least I've got one checked there.


So.

The smiling lady at the back of the desk went thru my application with relative ease, all the while having small chat bout my job, her job and how life in Malaysia totally sucks as a whole. Yeah, and i managed to squeeze in an impromptu lecture on hypertension too, free of charge damnit. Forms signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours!! Basically that was it - paper work done, wait a few weeks and the good people at Maybank will get back to me when my shiny little piece of plastic gets delivered fresh from the oven to the respective branch. Piece of cake, you say.

Wrong.

Oh no, no sire, not so easy.....muahaha que evil laugh ala Dr Evil...

3 months and a million seconds later, with no news from the bank whatsoever, i decided to pay a friendly visit to Maybank to, you know, say hi. And find out what the fuck went down with my application. So.

me: helo kak...nak check aplikasi credit kad...

LMS(lady maybank staff): ok dik (seriously!)....jap ye...dik apply biler?

me: dah lamer le... (haha now i get it how pts answer to our questions "dah berapa lama sakit?" with "dah lamer la doctor...." haha lame)

LMS: er dik...takde la dalam rekod...

me: O_o

So yah. That was it. two months later and i was told there was no record of an application. Marvellous.

Weeelll. That was a setback. But, being the good-natured cowardly prick that i am, politely i requested for a second application coz damn it i need my plastic badly god knows how..and politely i asked them to please pretty please make it a good one this time. LMS gave me her word that things will be ok this time round and i'll get my baby in no time. Just, well, wait for their call. GULP.

2 more months passed by. Trees changed from green to a dusky brown. Nights became shorter as the sun rose earlier by the minute. Michael Jackson still did not rise from the grave as many have hoped.

Finally one faithful day i got a call from the bank. Your card's ready, sir. YES OH YES like, finally! Took the noon off and drove straight to the said branch. Sat at the counter, tremors of anticipation rippling thru me like a kid being let loose in the Playboy Mansion on his 18th birthday. LMS (different lady but same duty) brought out a crisp, white envelope. Cursive writings decorated its face, depicting something so effing important i couldnt effing understand what it was saying. Then i caught a glimpse of what's inside.







No. Fucking. Way.

Amex??!!??

Damn it man. Do i look like an amex kind of guy? Oi, who the hell takes Amex in this part of the world, lah? And seriously, how oh how in hell did a Maybank card application end up with an Amex card in the postbox?? It's like putting a Christmas turkey into the oven and opening it later to find Char Siew. Or in this case, downloading Skandal Melayu porn and ending up with Debbie Does Dallas. Cheated. To the max.

LMS was equally surprised judging by the way her mouth was hanging at what can only be described as a very obscene position. There must have been a mistake, she apologised. Well, you're not the only one who thinks so! Without wasting time she offered to void the Amex and, whatyaknow, help me reapply (que: 3rd time) for my card of choice.

You see, personally i have nothing against Amex, it's flashy and glamourous and it has a little trojan on it - what's there not to like? Just that somehow it seems to me that majority of local merchants favor most cards before Amex and damn man look at me, if i were to flash an Amex at you chances are nine out of ten people are gona think in the lines of ' dudes still feeding off daddy/ dudes banging some rich old hag/ dudes selling his ass' so for the sake of social survival i had to had to turn it down bleekk.

So. 3rd application signed, sealed, delivered. My ass is yours now. LMS ensured me the process will take a maximum of '2 to 3 weeks' and they will, like usual, get back to me ASAP.

A month passed by. Surprise surprise, no news from the bank. I even kinda forgot bout it myself, what being hopeless and all that. Michael Jackson was still rotting in the dirt.

Then one day at work, this dude from another dept whom i was sharing an elevator with suddenly came over and with a secretive tone blurted out "bro....tadi aku pgi bank...staff bank kata ko punyer credit kad dah siap...diaorg minta bagitau boleh kolek dah...." ya i was freaked out i kid you not but hey, finally! news bout my long lost love! Though such news coming from an outsider did seem a little weird but hey what the hell i decided to give it a go and pay the bank another visit, hopefully my last one for this reason god forbid :(

At the bank.

Me: elo....nak check status kad kredit applikasi.....dah manyak kali dah...

Male Maybank staff (MMS): kredit kad......hmmm....(long pause, leaves desk to look high and low, finally to return with a defeated expression).....tak de la encik!

Me: -_-|||......biar betul......(deep exhalation, mantra chanting to curb the impending MI)

MMS: betul takde...cik apply biler ye? sape yg bagi tau dah siap?

Me: dah apply ribu kali dah....fren aku bagi tau...staff suruh passover kat aku suruh dtg kolek..

and that's where the drama started.

MMS: STAFF SURUH FREN BAGI TAU??? Impossible! Ini against bank policy! Absolutely tak mungkin! Siapa fren kau? Bawa dia datang. Ini tak mungkin. Ini kita boleh SUE dia sebab dia destroy our bank's REPUTASI!!!


OMFG NO FUCKING WAY.

Now my colleague's the bad guy.

Seriously. Destroy bank's reputasi?? Dude, your bank fucked up my application thrice, you wanna talk bout reputasi? Let alone, putting the blame on someone else for your own inadequacy? Unbelievable. I nearby, just nearly blew it.

LMS came by to check on us, apparently she could sense that someones was gona get hurt soon. Oh, oh oh oh .....so it was you, my dear LMS, it was you who told my colleague, eh?? Oh wait, what? Oh, you didn't tell him to tell me to come collect my card, oh no? Oh wait, you told HIM to tell ME to come and REAPPLY for the FOURTH time coz, wonder of wonders, my last application GOT LOST. AGAIN. and my poor deaf idiot of a colleague apparently misheard the whole thing.

Again, the good-natured, cowardly prick side of me decided to deal with things in a more ball-less way, and i asked to speak to the senior staff at the central office in-charge to clarify the situation.


Senior Maybank Staff (SMS): ya cik can i help? (superbly polite i must say)

Me: kad i hilang kena makan pontianak wuuuhhh T_T (i did tell him the whole story later)

SMS ran thru a few checks on his comp, this and that.

SMS: cik...dalam data kite...applikasi cik 6 bulan lepas ada dlm rekod.....kad pun dah despatch dah...tak terima ke..??

Me: nop....

SMS: ade cik...kad dah hantar dekat branch dah.....dekat Tanjung Karang kan?

Me: ............................!!???!?!?#Me: ............................!!???!?!?#Me: ............................!!???!?!?#Me: ............................!!???!?!?#$&%&#!????
amp;%&#!????
amp;%&#!????

Tanjung Karang. No shit.

SMS: lagi cik.....cik ade apply kad lagi baru baru ni ke....applikasi baru dapat....kena amik masa lagi la.....

ME: * faint*

Summary:

1st app : card sent to tanjung karang, gone with the wind
2nd app: morphed into Amex
3rd app: ? processing
4th app: i don't effing know anymore....


xxxxxxxxxxx

Gathering whatever little strength left i could muster, wearily told LMS and SMS that they can keep their promises and applications for themselves as i am never, ever going to trust them again, as a matter of fact i am never, ever gonna trust maybank with my money or my ass anymore coz frankly if this is the kind of standard of management that's going on here don't u think it's a bit unerving to leave all of your hard-earned moolah in their hands? They did offer for a reapplication (gasp) but i said no. No, thank you very much, for nothing. Nothing at all.


Maybank has financially castrated me. 6 months down the road and countless missed opportunities later i'm still the financial equivalent of a Ch'ng Dynasty eunuch. I can't order shit online, I can't go shopping without carrying a wallet that makes my ass look like JLo's, I can't book flights without calling mommy to 'loan' her card number. Heck, I can't even order porn.



Guess I'm stuck with just one C for now. I'm so gonna die a lonely old man :(

I'm beat.

Just shoot me.


Time to consider the GCS EON Visa card i guess.....