Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Why I hate doing locum (even if the money's good)

Case 1:

25 yr Chinese dude patient walks in. Sits down.

Pt: Doctor i have fever runny nose and cough. I think I have a cold. Give me the antibiotic in the glass bottle. Strong strong that one. Money no problem. And also the headache medicine. And the cough mixture. And the runny nose pills. Make sure give me the strong strong one ya. Make sure ya. The glass bottle wan ya. Strong wan ya.

Patient gets up. Walks out.

Me: .......your welcome...?

* glass bottle antibiotic = Azithromycin = damn overkill oral antibiotic. can kill an anything and everything (almost la). Totally useless in viral infections which is usually the case in runny nose and flu.


Case 2:

Daughter brings old frail Uncle in. Sits down.

Daughter: My dad sneezed trice from 230pm to 330pm. I think he has a cold.

Me: ............okay.........@#&$%*(#............

if only i had an MRI in d clinic.... then i can MRI his nose to see which stupid nose hair came off n choke his stupid nostril to make him sneeze oh so badly 3 times today......


Case 3:

25 yr Chinese fashion faux-pa ah lian walks in. Sits down.

Can't help not to notice how bad the outfit is put together.

Diagnosis: Congenital hypofashionsensenemia

What was her problem again?

Soree, can't remember. Was too busy checking out her train wreck of an outfit. Ooops.

erm.....food for thought.....don't try too hard....it's Sg Chua for god sake. No one's gonna blink if you were to step out in a chicken suit....

Case 4:

25 yr old Bangla 'gentleman' walks in. Yeah, that's the official term to use when addressing patients. I'm sure he's gentle in some way but no thanx I don't wana know.

Bangla: Boss! Ini tangan, manyak sakeet woh! Manyak manyak sakeet, itu kerje tak boleh kerje woh! Mau injection! Injection!

Me: ...........erm.....okee....i kasi injection kasi manyak kuat ya.......manyak sakit sikit ooh....okee yaa.......*evil grin*

I have no idea wat u wan. 50mg voltaren good enuf for u, sir? no? how bout some vit B12? hurts like an effin SOB weh. im sure dat wud do the trick....



Case 5:

27 yr blurhead overworked underpaid doctor walks in. Sits down.

Looks at watch. 5 more minutes to 9pm. Freedom beckons...

Looks at watch again. 4 more minutes.

Looks at watch again. 2 more minutes.

Looks at watch again. one minute.

Counter gal: loctor ar...got 3 patient come edi la.....

@#$*%&#$.............

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