April Fooled

I can't take it anymore.

I've got to let it out.

And it is with utmost sincerity that I hereby declared that I am truly, madly, deeply......


Gay.

And I love big, hairy, stinky old men.

......
...
..
.



Now that was a sucky one.


So, down to jokes and pranks.

Small, harmless gestures of jest and mischief with no malice at heart. Or is there? Oh, those are called lies.

Whatever.


In the spirit of April Fool's day, I'm doing a recap of some of the lamest and greatest cheatoz I've come across - being by experience, word of mouth or simply something scratched onto the public toilet door. Lies that tickle your funny bone or just slap you silly by the sheer lamitude of it.

Some might sound,er, ambiguous. Some might sound like the downright god damn truth. While some might sound as real as the flying pig that just buzzed by your 2nd floor window.

Oh wait, that's a lie.

Pigs don't fly.


They ride flying carpets.


Anyway, here goes.

5. I'm pregnant. Mbleerrgghhhhhpfff.

(Okay just to clarify things from the start this is NOT one of the personal experiences I mentioned beforehand thanksweetgod so go fly kite with your vivid imagination wtf)

A lame excuse some lowlife people love to use to avoid responsibility. Reserved exclusively for the womenkind althought few years down the road god knows what to expect wtf. Difficult to debunk especially during the 'early phase' as it is generally regarded as psycho to request for a UPT as 'proof of purchase 'more so from so called colleagues (yeah you know who you are itchy punanee). And the sucky part is when the fun dies out and the perpetrator risks being busted, she can always declare she had a 'missed abortion' and voila! All the troubles in the world flushed down the drain, imaginary fetus and all whatnot. And get extra sick leave for being oh-mai-gawd-so-poor-thing miscarriaged too. A difficult one, this is.


4. PM off. Bye-bye at 12pm post call

Damn you KKM. Damn you and your lies. PM off my hairy muffins. Still staying up till 5pm. 6pm sometimes if the Oww-Maii-Gawdd Princess goes MIA. So lame this one really wanna ROTFLMAOQWERTY. WTF.


3. Auntie cucuk sikit ya....tak sakit punyer....

Really! Tak sakit langsung! Macam semut gigit je.....too bad semut tu semut api besar giler gaban bodoh tu leh.....OOOOOOW OW OW OW MAK AKU SAKIIIIIIIIIIIIT VALIKIAMAHHH *pass out amidst Hindi music in the background and Selvarani rolling down the slope*

Lier. Pantat ko tak sakit.


2. I accidentally terminum Chlorox. Ooops *coy smile*

Eh adik. You think we bodoh or what. Typical lame excuse given by midnight admitees who claim to have 'accidentally drank the whole world's chlorox supply dry'. Like, you know, how she accidentally placed her chlorox next to her drinking water, on the computer desk, in her room, 10KM away from the washroom ( where whatyaknow the chlorox storage drawer was). Oh wait, you didn't notice how it tasted....so you took another gulp....and another.....and....? Oh-kaay....whatever.....GCS low at 3am......refer psy cm...Rx: two tight slaps 11/11 QID......


1. I Love You

Nuff said. All-time greatest truth and lie bundled into one convenient, simple-to-pronounce package. Choose what you want to believe.




Happy Valentine's day.

Oops.

Sorry.

Happy April Fool's day. Hope you had a good one.

That's a lie too.


Yawn~ tired. Post EOD day 1, Pre EOD day 1. Surrreeeaaaallll~~~

Now that's the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.