From one Hell to another.
If you're food, you're screwed.
1 year ago
Monday, December 28, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
Merry White Christmas and a Plastic New Year 2009
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
A New Year beckons.
Same old values prevail.
Another festive humbug
lost in materialism and commercialism.
Wish you
A Merry White Christmas
and
A Plastic New Year.
A New Year beckons.
Same old values prevail.
Another festive humbug
lost in materialism and commercialism.
Wish you
A Merry White Christmas
and
A Plastic New Year.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Hunger pangs 2.0
3am. Cannot sleep. Hungry.
Patoyau~!!
Sleep deprivation = brain cell hypermetabolism = increased glucose consumption = midnight hunger pangs!!
Every once in a while, said hunger pangs strike with such brute force that, as trusty as my private yogurt supply may be, even they can't curb the cravings boiling inside.......
That's it. Diet schmiet. WTF.
Instinctively drove out to the nearest Chinese foodcourt and tapao-ed the first thing in sight.
Behold......The Almighty Char Siew Wanton Mee!!
A sinful concoction of barbequed roast pork, boiled pork dumplings and braised green vegetables tossed together with thick, luscious soy sauce and chewy, simmering egg noodles into the ultimate Cantonese Gastronomic Food Pornstar........
It was an all-out tussle.
A battle of epic proportions.
Man versus Mee.
Alas, poor Wanton mee never stood a chance. Within all but a few seconds the once-all mighty found it's new home in the gurgling harrows of my stomach.
I let out a satisfied 'buurp' as a victory call. Niiice......
Now to complete the picture.
Nestle Fat Free Yogurt.
With mixed berries, apple and ?acai. WTF
A sloppy second to the Emmi Swiss Premium Yogurt I must say, but it did the job of a after-meal desert nonetheless.
Ahhhhhhh.
Now I'm stuffed.
And I can't sleep with a full stomach.
Damn.
Patoyau~!!
Sleep deprivation = brain cell hypermetabolism = increased glucose consumption = midnight hunger pangs!!
Every once in a while, said hunger pangs strike with such brute force that, as trusty as my private yogurt supply may be, even they can't curb the cravings boiling inside.......
That's it. Diet schmiet. WTF.
Instinctively drove out to the nearest Chinese foodcourt and tapao-ed the first thing in sight.
Behold......The Almighty Char Siew Wanton Mee!!
A sinful concoction of barbequed roast pork, boiled pork dumplings and braised green vegetables tossed together with thick, luscious soy sauce and chewy, simmering egg noodles into the ultimate Cantonese Gastronomic Food Pornstar........
It was an all-out tussle.
A battle of epic proportions.
Man versus Mee.
Alas, poor Wanton mee never stood a chance. Within all but a few seconds the once-all mighty found it's new home in the gurgling harrows of my stomach.
I let out a satisfied 'buurp' as a victory call. Niiice......
Now to complete the picture.
Nestle Fat Free Yogurt.
With mixed berries, apple and ?acai. WTF
A sloppy second to the Emmi Swiss Premium Yogurt I must say, but it did the job of a after-meal desert nonetheless.
Ahhhhhhh.
Now I'm stuffed.
And I can't sleep with a full stomach.
Damn.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Hunger pangs...
Hunger pangs strike!!!
Thank god for ma ever trusty supply of yogurt in ma trusty little fridge :)
I think there's enough in there to last me through a nuclear winter, the 7 plagues of the Nile and the whole 2012 shebang all thrown into one.
Emmi Swiss Premium Yogurt.
Great stuff.
I'm already starting to feel Swiss inside out.
Je ne sais pas de quoi je parle fucking Toblerone!!!
Sorry.......sugar rush....
Time for zzz n' getting fat........
Thank god for ma ever trusty supply of yogurt in ma trusty little fridge :)
I think there's enough in there to last me through a nuclear winter, the 7 plagues of the Nile and the whole 2012 shebang all thrown into one.
Emmi Swiss Premium Yogurt.
Great stuff.
I'm already starting to feel Swiss inside out.
Je ne sais pas de quoi je parle fucking Toblerone!!!
Sorry.......sugar rush....
Time for zzz n' getting fat........
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Ramblings of the year 2009: to everyone I know, don't know, don't wanna know
First and foremost, it is with a great sense of sincerity and regret I shall acknowledge to myself that this post may and most probably will be yet another self-indulgent psychotic neo-emo rant about nothing other than nothingness, and would again like so many before it be reserved solely for my own narcissistic reading pleasure on some stormy Friday night with just me, myself and I. And most probably with my laptop on and some porno rendition of The Wizard of oz playing in the background.
Now that I've got my undivided attention, Let the rant begin.
The year is drawing to a close. Tis' the time when most people will look back at their lives in the past year and smile/ frown/ laugh/ cry/ lament/ rant about how good/ bad/ sick/ dope/ younameit the year was. Great men would churn out biographies/ biopics/ whatnots detailing how they battled and braved the year through and through and survived to tell the tale; greater women would then capitalize on the brimming success of this so called Alpha-male group and unleash upon the world a flurry of first-wive biopics/ cookbooks/ yoga manuals/ diet guides etc. to ensnare the market of endless desperate housewives dying to get a piece of the action.
The past year was pretty much not-so-much-a-blast for me I guess. It was a year of wishing high, but kinda came to an abrupt end by crashing down really low. It was a year of broken promises and shattered lies. It was a year of an emotional rollercoaster ride with so many chicanes, loopruns and freedrops my mind is basically on a barfing binge like some prepubescent bullemic goophering out her guts in the high school backalley. A year of countless insomnic nights where going on a Piriton/cigarrette frenzy appeared to be the new vogue. A year where I lost myself, and my already meager self esteem took a nosedive so deep I practically imploded into an emotional blackhole.
Bad things happened. Bad things happened and no matter how I look at it, there's just no justification in me trying to get all macho and squeeze the words ' it could've been worse' out of my trismus-locked teeth. As those of you who knew what happened might agree, IT COULD NOT HAVE BEEN ANY WORSE than it already was. I'm sorry but certain values forbid me from sharing any details regarding this series of unfortunate events with anyone else bar the few people who are, without a better way to put it, in equally the same amount of shit that I'm in. To cut a long story short, in a series of complicated twists and turns not unlike those found in Big Brother, I lost the most important person in my life for the past 6 years without even having a damn clue about it. It was a major sore point in my life and one of those events that I will NOT be proud to tell my grandkids about (provide I'll have any to tell to at all). It consumed me both emotionally and physically not to mention the amount of time wasted lying on the bed staring at the ceiling crying 'WHY?? WHY????' or the hours of laboring in front of my laptop channeling all the anger, the bitterness, the sorrow into incessant rants and ramblings (hence the Title of this blog and the earlier Posts) that eventually I was to realize no one gives a pity fuck about. 4 months into this life-changing, mind altering event, I'm now picking up the pieces, burying the hatchet and throwing out the dirty laundrey in hope of putting bygones to bygones and starting life a page anew again. Enough with the self pitying. It's pathetic.
Looking back at the past year in terms of my career has been like watching a Monty Pyton Circus from the front row. Work has never been a strong point in my life CV and to say that I loathe waking up to go to work would be a vast understatement. I cannot remember how many times I've came up with some lame-ass excuse to get myself off the job just so I could huddle up in the toilet/ storeroom/ HO hostel (or kandang whichever name suits it better) and watch the minutes etch by one by one, feverishly waiting for the elusive 5pm mark where I would then make a Carl Lewis dash for the punchcard machine and punch my ass out to a world of freedom and bliss. The added advantage of being so called 'Chief' in ortho has been more than watered down over the past few rotations but in my time it would be unfair to say that I didn't do a hatchet job out being in such a *sic* advantageous position. I wonder how I would fare in the very same posting now that the novelty of ortho as a 'chill' posting has more than worn off. I supposed I'd either run home crying to mommy or just bend over and let boss bugger my inards out like the cowardly man-whore that some people regard me to be :). Kami sedia membantu, no? Kudos to all you orthopods out there - you're survivors. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Unless it's boss, which then you'd probably be as buggered as I was and really should'nt fucking bother anymore.
It really bothers me when people question the way I function, as a person or as a guy in the white coat. I'm not well adept at dealing with people who do not look eye-in-eye with me; more so with people who blatantly challenge the way I do ma thang ( my job, sorry). As a result I find myself poorly equipped at answering unsuspecting questions from my customers (ala patients) that I have grown oh-so-comfortable of dismissing as medical prodigies. I'm sorry. I know, I know, tis' the first time in your life you've contracted conjunctivitis and that genius-of-a-friend of yours recommended that you douse you eyeballs in industrial-grade Sayyleeeeeene to sterilize cum sizzle them into oblivion......but that's not how it's done here, at least not for me, okay?? Save the cynicism and sarcasm for your boyfriend, beaatch. Oh, and you there, the one with the hip pain+chest discomfort+tummy groans+ headache+skin itch+ dry mouth+ shivering right arm+ twitching left eye+ wobbly front teeth+non functioning penis.......I'm sorry, I can't help you. I've tried, I really have. All the pills and potions in the world won't do you nuts if all you believe in is the friendly neighbourhood Bomoh who lives just down the lane, with a partridge and a pear tree. Seriously, why the fuck do you even bother coming 'ere? Do both of us a favor, and just leave. Pronto. Before I turn green and bust my shirt and smash your head up your ass.
It does seem a bit daunting that somehow everyone around me has an idea of where they're heading in life. Some have their eye's set on the coming year's MRCP; some are planning to switch jobs and try to make it big across the sea; some are willing to put everything behind and live a blissful carefree life picking apples in the great New Zealand greens ( which I secretly yearn to join but DAMN YOU KKM for the 5 year government slavery rule). My overly publicly professed love for ortho now seems a bit amateur and downright foolish in view of the current change of events and whatyaknow I guess I'll be stuck in Internal Med for some time. Not like anybody's gonna enjoy my presence there but oh well I guess I'm not exactly spoilt for choices here. Just the thought of spending one minute in the Medical ward reduces me into a sobbing pile of gunk. A very oily pile, as a particular someone would gladly point out. That being said no offense to the Internal Med team as you guys obviously are a blast but I just don't see myself playing witchdoctor with all the pills and potions there. Someone famous once said,' Treating illnesses makes us doctors. Treating patients makes us miserable.'(sounds awfully like House to me but I dunno) For someone like me whom treating illnesses is already a chore, treating patients would be like the equivalent of helping a guy Jack off. I would so gladly rather just die.
The point is me being the total antagonist in terms of patient care would do little in helping me maneuver through throngs of sickly after sickly all lined up like sheep in a slaughterhouse. Playing Good Shepherd has never been one of my strong points; I guess I'm far more adept at playing Butcher instead. Hence the self-obsessive fixation on being a future orthopod....I know, I know. (mouths the words L-A-M-E)
The end of the year beckons the quintessential 'looking back at life' phase where I sit back and wonder how my life could have been if I had chosen a drastically different path down the road. What would've it be like, say........if I became a hairstylist instead, although personally even I cannot come to terms with that idea as I'd probably look like a gay Edward Scissorhands at his very constipated worst.
Maybe business would've been a good idea. Then again maybe not. As someone again would most eagerly point out, a spineless excuse of a human like me with the enterprising brain capacity of a single celled organism would probably go only so far as buy a new business suit before slumping back into a total business breakdown.
Maybe I should take up writing. I love writing :). I'm not good at it but hey, who says you'd have to be good at what you love. It's kinda, almost, totally like sex - all men love sex, although admittedly not many of them are good at it. As a matter of fact, most of us downright suck at it. But that has not stopped us from trying, no? I don't know - unfortunately, I don't fall into the elusive 'not good' group *snigger snigger*
Oh well. Sorry for the apparent pointless musings I'm kinda loosing the point here but fear not I think I'm coming back on track now. *Fingers crossed*
As of all 'flashback' posts one must pay tribute to all the people who made up/ tore down their lives in the past whatever duration that may be of concern. It's a daunting task no less acknowledging so many people in such confined space with no help me being a total arse in remembering the good deeds people did, although I've got an elephant's memory of who crossed me and who pushed me wrong buttons :( Goes to show that no good deed goes unpunished huh well what the hell at this point I could safely say no one has a rat's ass idea of what's going on so I'll just proceed. Here goes.
Dear Mom and Dad: Thanx for putting up with me for another year, as you'd have for the past 26 ones. Must've been hell having a son like me and I'm really sorry about that. I'm sorry I'm nowhere as successful or determined or focused or enthusiastic or positive or proper like Big Bro. I'm sorry I've disappointed you two another year with a promise of giving you another daughter-in-law; that somehow didn't come true and trust me it hurts no one more than me to see things turn out this way. I'm sorry that I'm always not around for family occasions and dinners and breakfast gatherings and such even though I'm not exactly the kind of person with a hectic life schedule. I'm sorry that being a 26 year old on a steady payroll you two still have to worry bout the most trivial of stuff like whether there'd still be yogurt left for me in the fridge when I come home from work. I'm sorry. And I love you two from the deepest of my heart.
Dear Bro: Thanx for being the one to look up to, and the one that Dad and Mom can look to in times of need. I'm sorry we do not share a more 'brotherly' relationship - as pointed out we kinda seem more like acquaintances than blood brothers. I'm sorry I don't appear to play the role of an uncle much - Aidan really is the cutest bundle of smiles, baby fat and vomit this side of the world but it's just my emotionally retarded way of showing that I care. I'm sorry that I appear less than interested in you n Daisou's life coz it just reminds me of what I've lost. I'm sorry. And I respect you to no ends.
Dear colleagues: Thanx for putting up with me as a partner in work/ crime, a person to deal with on a daily basis, a person who shares the same grinds of daily life and hopefully a person that you all have come to trust and respect. I'm sorry for being MIA sometimes while on the job; I've got a really irritable bladder and even more irritating bowel :( I'm sorry for not being the best person to be on call with coz I'm like the Super Jonak-man from Hell. I'm sorry for the people who are unlucky enough to follow up on my clerking/ cases/ anything with my writing on it. Elegant handwriting has never been one of the qualities I possess and it doesn't get any better in the heat of action. Thank you for tolerating my presence and not falling dead at the thought of being on call with me. I'm sorry, it's just me and my rezeki.
Dear friends: Thanx for being there when I was at my lowest. Thanx for being the much-needed company I oh-so idiotically thought I could do without. Thanx for giving me your time (and lungs) whilst I go on with my rants and musings and bitching and whatnot. Thanx for actually taking up huffing and puffing for the sake of teman-ing me. I'm sorry if I'm the cause of any illness you might get 30 years from now.I'm sorry.
Dear Angel: Thanx for giving me the best years in my life; I wouldn't have had it any other way. I'm sorry that things had to turn out this way and I know whatever said and done there will be an eternal scar and faultline between us and it kills me to no ends knowing that both of us can never seem to reach out to each other over the other side. I'm sorry if I blamed you for what happened - I know there is no right or wrong when it comes to matters of the heart and I know what happened was the result of a brooding problem deep inside of which I blissfully and childishly choose not to acknowledge. I'm sorry I seemed to be holding you back from the happiness that you deserved while feverishly trying to defend my pathetic ego. I'm sorry that life has taken us to different levels at different times and our thinkings no longer resonate at the same level of harmony they once did. I'm sorry. Trust me, I'm trying to make things better. I hope you are too - I want you to. I love you, now and forever, come what may.
Dear You: I'm sorry for making you the apparent target of my wrath and fury in the wake of certain unforeseen circumstances which has left me nothing less than shattered. I'm sorry that I made you the immediate enemy although deep down inside I know in a very subjective manner we are all victims of this whole fiasco. I'm sorry you had to be the cause of countless nightmares where I imaginatively reduced you to smittherines in a vain attempt to justify my hatred towards you. I'm sorry. Although this does not make me hate you any bit less.
Dear Kajang townfolks: Thanx for becoming the unwilling subjects of my quest to emulate the late Dr Victor Frankeinstein of transforming live kicking humans into live kicking chewing gum. Thanx for putting up with my Jeckyll and Hyde attitude at work - if you came on my good day well, good for you, as I'd be the most Mr sunshine doctor you'd ever consult. I'm sorry, however, if you happen to pop up at Hospital Kajang at 3am for 2 week old butt pain - Ol' Mr Hyde ain't gonna make that sorry butt anything but worst if you know what I mean. I'm sorry that there are times when you people have problems so flabbergasting, so out-of-this-world that I just seem to phase out and blankstare at you while blinking incessantly - that's just my 386 processor of a brain trying frantically to process all that info into some sorry excuse of a diagnosis. I'm sorry that if after a half-an-hour consultation I discharged you with PCM and MMT, chances are either you're a friggin hypochondriac or Manipal just didn't train me well enough to serve you. I'm sorry that most of the time its the former, though.
Oh weeell.
It's been a bloody long rant and yes again I must remind myself that this post may and most probably will be yet another self-indulgent psychotic neo-emo rant about nothing other than nothingness, and would again like so many before it be reserved solely for my own narcissistic reading pleasure on some stormy Friday night with just me, myself and I. Hehe yeah I cut n' pasted that part was too lazy to retype the whole thing you get my point anyway. So yeah as a means of sugar-coated self indulgence this post is getting slightly on the heavy side and anymore would result in me going into a DKA coma which I swear would be the last thing I want to happen to me now at this very moment seeing that I'm clad in these ultra obscene looking pajama pants with holes in all the wrong places o_O
Anyways.
All good things must come to an end. What more the lousy stuff.
If you're still reading, congrats, give yourself a little pat on the back for bearing with me. It never fails to bring a tear to my eye thinking that someone would actually finish reading my ramblings. Looney people of the same flock really are hard to come by nowadays.
If you're not...........well, it wouldn't matter, would it?
Hope you had a fruitful 2009. Do please leave a comment or two. Or better yet, leave a response. Let's see how jobless we all can get.
Thanx for listening and wish you all a very good 2010 ahead. See you on the other side.
The sun setting on the year 2009.....looking forward to a better 2010....
Adios.
Now that I've got my undivided attention, Let the rant begin.
The year is drawing to a close. Tis' the time when most people will look back at their lives in the past year and smile/ frown/ laugh/ cry/ lament/ rant about how good/ bad/ sick/ dope/ younameit the year was. Great men would churn out biographies/ biopics/ whatnots detailing how they battled and braved the year through and through and survived to tell the tale; greater women would then capitalize on the brimming success of this so called Alpha-male group and unleash upon the world a flurry of first-wive biopics/ cookbooks/ yoga manuals/ diet guides etc. to ensnare the market of endless desperate housewives dying to get a piece of the action.
The past year was pretty much not-so-much-a-blast for me I guess. It was a year of wishing high, but kinda came to an abrupt end by crashing down really low. It was a year of broken promises and shattered lies. It was a year of an emotional rollercoaster ride with so many chicanes, loopruns and freedrops my mind is basically on a barfing binge like some prepubescent bullemic goophering out her guts in the high school backalley. A year of countless insomnic nights where going on a Piriton/cigarrette frenzy appeared to be the new vogue. A year where I lost myself, and my already meager self esteem took a nosedive so deep I practically imploded into an emotional blackhole.
Bad things happened. Bad things happened and no matter how I look at it, there's just no justification in me trying to get all macho and squeeze the words ' it could've been worse' out of my trismus-locked teeth. As those of you who knew what happened might agree, IT COULD NOT HAVE BEEN ANY WORSE than it already was. I'm sorry but certain values forbid me from sharing any details regarding this series of unfortunate events with anyone else bar the few people who are, without a better way to put it, in equally the same amount of shit that I'm in. To cut a long story short, in a series of complicated twists and turns not unlike those found in Big Brother, I lost the most important person in my life for the past 6 years without even having a damn clue about it. It was a major sore point in my life and one of those events that I will NOT be proud to tell my grandkids about (provide I'll have any to tell to at all). It consumed me both emotionally and physically not to mention the amount of time wasted lying on the bed staring at the ceiling crying 'WHY?? WHY????' or the hours of laboring in front of my laptop channeling all the anger, the bitterness, the sorrow into incessant rants and ramblings (hence the Title of this blog and the earlier Posts) that eventually I was to realize no one gives a pity fuck about. 4 months into this life-changing, mind altering event, I'm now picking up the pieces, burying the hatchet and throwing out the dirty laundrey in hope of putting bygones to bygones and starting life a page anew again. Enough with the self pitying. It's pathetic.
Looking back at the past year in terms of my career has been like watching a Monty Pyton Circus from the front row. Work has never been a strong point in my life CV and to say that I loathe waking up to go to work would be a vast understatement. I cannot remember how many times I've came up with some lame-ass excuse to get myself off the job just so I could huddle up in the toilet/ storeroom/ HO hostel (or kandang whichever name suits it better) and watch the minutes etch by one by one, feverishly waiting for the elusive 5pm mark where I would then make a Carl Lewis dash for the punchcard machine and punch my ass out to a world of freedom and bliss. The added advantage of being so called 'Chief' in ortho has been more than watered down over the past few rotations but in my time it would be unfair to say that I didn't do a hatchet job out being in such a *sic* advantageous position. I wonder how I would fare in the very same posting now that the novelty of ortho as a 'chill' posting has more than worn off. I supposed I'd either run home crying to mommy or just bend over and let boss bugger my inards out like the cowardly man-whore that some people regard me to be :). Kami sedia membantu, no? Kudos to all you orthopods out there - you're survivors. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Unless it's boss, which then you'd probably be as buggered as I was and really should'nt fucking bother anymore.
It really bothers me when people question the way I function, as a person or as a guy in the white coat. I'm not well adept at dealing with people who do not look eye-in-eye with me; more so with people who blatantly challenge the way I do ma thang ( my job, sorry). As a result I find myself poorly equipped at answering unsuspecting questions from my customers (ala patients) that I have grown oh-so-comfortable of dismissing as medical prodigies. I'm sorry. I know, I know, tis' the first time in your life you've contracted conjunctivitis and that genius-of-a-friend of yours recommended that you douse you eyeballs in industrial-grade Sayyleeeeeene to sterilize cum sizzle them into oblivion......but that's not how it's done here, at least not for me, okay?? Save the cynicism and sarcasm for your boyfriend, beaatch. Oh, and you there, the one with the hip pain+chest discomfort+tummy groans+ headache+skin itch+ dry mouth+ shivering right arm+ twitching left eye+ wobbly front teeth+non functioning penis.......I'm sorry, I can't help you. I've tried, I really have. All the pills and potions in the world won't do you nuts if all you believe in is the friendly neighbourhood Bomoh who lives just down the lane, with a partridge and a pear tree. Seriously, why the fuck do you even bother coming 'ere? Do both of us a favor, and just leave. Pronto. Before I turn green and bust my shirt and smash your head up your ass.
It does seem a bit daunting that somehow everyone around me has an idea of where they're heading in life. Some have their eye's set on the coming year's MRCP; some are planning to switch jobs and try to make it big across the sea; some are willing to put everything behind and live a blissful carefree life picking apples in the great New Zealand greens ( which I secretly yearn to join but DAMN YOU KKM for the 5 year government slavery rule). My overly publicly professed love for ortho now seems a bit amateur and downright foolish in view of the current change of events and whatyaknow I guess I'll be stuck in Internal Med for some time. Not like anybody's gonna enjoy my presence there but oh well I guess I'm not exactly spoilt for choices here. Just the thought of spending one minute in the Medical ward reduces me into a sobbing pile of gunk. A very oily pile, as a particular someone would gladly point out. That being said no offense to the Internal Med team as you guys obviously are a blast but I just don't see myself playing witchdoctor with all the pills and potions there. Someone famous once said,' Treating illnesses makes us doctors. Treating patients makes us miserable.'(sounds awfully like House to me but I dunno) For someone like me whom treating illnesses is already a chore, treating patients would be like the equivalent of helping a guy Jack off. I would so gladly rather just die.
The point is me being the total antagonist in terms of patient care would do little in helping me maneuver through throngs of sickly after sickly all lined up like sheep in a slaughterhouse. Playing Good Shepherd has never been one of my strong points; I guess I'm far more adept at playing Butcher instead. Hence the self-obsessive fixation on being a future orthopod....I know, I know. (mouths the words L-A-M-E)
The end of the year beckons the quintessential 'looking back at life' phase where I sit back and wonder how my life could have been if I had chosen a drastically different path down the road. What would've it be like, say........if I became a hairstylist instead, although personally even I cannot come to terms with that idea as I'd probably look like a gay Edward Scissorhands at his very constipated worst.
Maybe business would've been a good idea. Then again maybe not. As someone again would most eagerly point out, a spineless excuse of a human like me with the enterprising brain capacity of a single celled organism would probably go only so far as buy a new business suit before slumping back into a total business breakdown.
Maybe I should take up writing. I love writing :). I'm not good at it but hey, who says you'd have to be good at what you love. It's kinda, almost, totally like sex - all men love sex, although admittedly not many of them are good at it. As a matter of fact, most of us downright suck at it. But that has not stopped us from trying, no? I don't know - unfortunately, I don't fall into the elusive 'not good' group *snigger snigger*
Oh well. Sorry for the apparent pointless musings I'm kinda loosing the point here but fear not I think I'm coming back on track now. *Fingers crossed*
As of all 'flashback' posts one must pay tribute to all the people who made up/ tore down their lives in the past whatever duration that may be of concern. It's a daunting task no less acknowledging so many people in such confined space with no help me being a total arse in remembering the good deeds people did, although I've got an elephant's memory of who crossed me and who pushed me wrong buttons :( Goes to show that no good deed goes unpunished huh well what the hell at this point I could safely say no one has a rat's ass idea of what's going on so I'll just proceed. Here goes.
Dear Mom and Dad: Thanx for putting up with me for another year, as you'd have for the past 26 ones. Must've been hell having a son like me and I'm really sorry about that. I'm sorry I'm nowhere as successful or determined or focused or enthusiastic or positive or proper like Big Bro. I'm sorry I've disappointed you two another year with a promise of giving you another daughter-in-law; that somehow didn't come true and trust me it hurts no one more than me to see things turn out this way. I'm sorry that I'm always not around for family occasions and dinners and breakfast gatherings and such even though I'm not exactly the kind of person with a hectic life schedule. I'm sorry that being a 26 year old on a steady payroll you two still have to worry bout the most trivial of stuff like whether there'd still be yogurt left for me in the fridge when I come home from work. I'm sorry. And I love you two from the deepest of my heart.
Dear Bro: Thanx for being the one to look up to, and the one that Dad and Mom can look to in times of need. I'm sorry we do not share a more 'brotherly' relationship - as pointed out we kinda seem more like acquaintances than blood brothers. I'm sorry I don't appear to play the role of an uncle much - Aidan really is the cutest bundle of smiles, baby fat and vomit this side of the world but it's just my emotionally retarded way of showing that I care. I'm sorry that I appear less than interested in you n Daisou's life coz it just reminds me of what I've lost. I'm sorry. And I respect you to no ends.
Dear colleagues: Thanx for putting up with me as a partner in work/ crime, a person to deal with on a daily basis, a person who shares the same grinds of daily life and hopefully a person that you all have come to trust and respect. I'm sorry for being MIA sometimes while on the job; I've got a really irritable bladder and even more irritating bowel :( I'm sorry for not being the best person to be on call with coz I'm like the Super Jonak-man from Hell. I'm sorry for the people who are unlucky enough to follow up on my clerking/ cases/ anything with my writing on it. Elegant handwriting has never been one of the qualities I possess and it doesn't get any better in the heat of action. Thank you for tolerating my presence and not falling dead at the thought of being on call with me. I'm sorry, it's just me and my rezeki.
Dear friends: Thanx for being there when I was at my lowest. Thanx for being the much-needed company I oh-so idiotically thought I could do without. Thanx for giving me your time (and lungs) whilst I go on with my rants and musings and bitching and whatnot. Thanx for actually taking up huffing and puffing for the sake of teman-ing me. I'm sorry if I'm the cause of any illness you might get 30 years from now.I'm sorry.
Dear Angel: Thanx for giving me the best years in my life; I wouldn't have had it any other way. I'm sorry that things had to turn out this way and I know whatever said and done there will be an eternal scar and faultline between us and it kills me to no ends knowing that both of us can never seem to reach out to each other over the other side. I'm sorry if I blamed you for what happened - I know there is no right or wrong when it comes to matters of the heart and I know what happened was the result of a brooding problem deep inside of which I blissfully and childishly choose not to acknowledge. I'm sorry I seemed to be holding you back from the happiness that you deserved while feverishly trying to defend my pathetic ego. I'm sorry that life has taken us to different levels at different times and our thinkings no longer resonate at the same level of harmony they once did. I'm sorry. Trust me, I'm trying to make things better. I hope you are too - I want you to. I love you, now and forever, come what may.
Dear You: I'm sorry for making you the apparent target of my wrath and fury in the wake of certain unforeseen circumstances which has left me nothing less than shattered. I'm sorry that I made you the immediate enemy although deep down inside I know in a very subjective manner we are all victims of this whole fiasco. I'm sorry you had to be the cause of countless nightmares where I imaginatively reduced you to smittherines in a vain attempt to justify my hatred towards you. I'm sorry. Although this does not make me hate you any bit less.
Dear Kajang townfolks: Thanx for becoming the unwilling subjects of my quest to emulate the late Dr Victor Frankeinstein of transforming live kicking humans into live kicking chewing gum. Thanx for putting up with my Jeckyll and Hyde attitude at work - if you came on my good day well, good for you, as I'd be the most Mr sunshine doctor you'd ever consult. I'm sorry, however, if you happen to pop up at Hospital Kajang at 3am for 2 week old butt pain - Ol' Mr Hyde ain't gonna make that sorry butt anything but worst if you know what I mean. I'm sorry that there are times when you people have problems so flabbergasting, so out-of-this-world that I just seem to phase out and blankstare at you while blinking incessantly - that's just my 386 processor of a brain trying frantically to process all that info into some sorry excuse of a diagnosis. I'm sorry that if after a half-an-hour consultation I discharged you with PCM and MMT, chances are either you're a friggin hypochondriac or Manipal just didn't train me well enough to serve you. I'm sorry that most of the time its the former, though.
Oh weeell.
It's been a bloody long rant and yes again I must remind myself that this post may and most probably will be yet another self-indulgent psychotic neo-emo rant about nothing other than nothingness, and would again like so many before it be reserved solely for my own narcissistic reading pleasure on some stormy Friday night with just me, myself and I. Hehe yeah I cut n' pasted that part was too lazy to retype the whole thing you get my point anyway. So yeah as a means of sugar-coated self indulgence this post is getting slightly on the heavy side and anymore would result in me going into a DKA coma which I swear would be the last thing I want to happen to me now at this very moment seeing that I'm clad in these ultra obscene looking pajama pants with holes in all the wrong places o_O
Anyways.
All good things must come to an end. What more the lousy stuff.
If you're still reading, congrats, give yourself a little pat on the back for bearing with me. It never fails to bring a tear to my eye thinking that someone would actually finish reading my ramblings. Looney people of the same flock really are hard to come by nowadays.
If you're not...........well, it wouldn't matter, would it?
Hope you had a fruitful 2009. Do please leave a comment or two. Or better yet, leave a response. Let's see how jobless we all can get.
Thanx for listening and wish you all a very good 2010 ahead. See you on the other side.
The sun setting on the year 2009.....looking forward to a better 2010....
Adios.
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