Drunk

Random Youtube-ing.

Watching the seconds tick by. No plans for tonight.

This shall be my reward, from myself, to myself, for myself.

Absolute isolation. Peace of mind.

Tanya Chua's 無底洞 (Bottomless Pit) playing in the background.

Next up : Kenny G's The Moment.

Tonight's a good night for Wet Wet Wet.

Maybe a Kiss From A Rose by Seal is worth a minute or three.

And to end it with a bang, Prodigy's Breathe always does the trick.


Love being post call.

Hey world,

Was that you who just flashed by?

Oh, yeah, well, you know........kinda wonky now, you know? Like, hahaha........hmm.....

Oh ya, EOD right? Yeah.....no biggie.......


Spontaneity is the word of the day.

No thought has been given to the fine trimmings of this post.

Consider this the raw, uncut, unrated Missing Mind.

Hey......waichaminute.....yeah, I kinda soound more decent than I thought I would, being drunk and all.....what the heck....

Hmm.

Just glad all work's done before leaving. Done, I hope. Dunno. Too blur to find out.

Here's to the on call people today.

Have a safe night k.

Zzzzzzzzzz

Zzzzzz

Zzzz

Zz

Z

...........................

Horror ARRRGGG!!!!!!!!

The only reason I'm sharing this here is because I am scared shitless.

And I have not been this scared since watching 'It' with the lights off 18 years ago.

So here.

xxxxxx

Had a little scare at work today.

Yangon was complaining of a 'nagging, life-threatening, ass-ripping' pain over her left or right arm ( cannot remember coz didn't bother looking) following the H1N1 vaccine shot she took a few days earlier.

Associated with 'oedema of the palm' and ' neuroprexia of the cutaneous distribution of C7 to T1'. Yowzers.

Anyway.....

It was 510pm. In severe post call mode and not giving a damn about the world, lest the ward and whatever going-on's going on there.

Bumped into Yangon in the pantry. Brushed pass her to pick up whatever leftover there was before making my great escape to freedom.

'Teeeeeeeeeeeeh~~'

NO.

' Maaii haand iz sooww paaiinnfuuu~~............'

I DON"T CARE.

' u knooaaow, lasst taiimme I oso had saiime thing lidis befoourr, and I dowwnt knooaow, like blahblahgebegebewilliwillibangbangwonkidonkichiangchiangoldnewspaperwoooo...........................................'

BLANK STARE INTO BEYOND.

'Annd then, yoouw knooaow, I havvee allerrgeee to thiis and thhat and williwilliwonkablamgushslipslapslopchoochoodingdongmeowoof.................................'

START ERRATIC PACING AROUND, TRYING TO CONTAIN SANITY.

'Can yoouuww see arr here here here all swaoolleenn oohh...whaaii you walkin around soo muuchh cannot see llaaa...........'

THAT'S MY WHOLE EFFING POINT.

'.....I cannoot see youur face laaa.......'

STOP DEAD. GAVE MY BEST RENDITION OF ' I DON"T GIVE TWO EFFS' FACE.


As light as a.....feather? She gave a light push on my chest and said (?coyly)....

' it's okaaaayy....I knoaow you're nervousss....... :)'

And as fleeting as a ?butterfly she fluttered off in a burst of song and waving body parts.



NO EFFING WAY. NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

DARLING

READ THE FACE AGAIN.

THAT'S NAUSEAOUS. N-A-U-S-E-A-O-U-S.

DIG?

NERVOUS MY ASS.


My day just got destroyed. Now I'm breaking a cold sweat and having goosebumps all over. Think I'm running a fever too.

Considering EL tomorrow. Need to see a shrink.


The horror...........

Doggy Style 2.0

A few more doggy style pics.

Woof.

'Fooood!!!'

Chocolate....... :(

Woof.

Lfe is 2 shrt

Just came back from yamcha with high school buddies.

Everybody has grown up so much.

Each of them now successful in their own right.

And each having a personal story to tell.


Learnt how one of them lost both his sister and father back-to-back within almost the same year.

Sister to a ruptured ectopic pregnancy; dad to cancer (I think)

Felt infinitely sorry for his loss.

At awe at his resilience in standing up against such odds and persevered to become the success story that he is today.

The time to live is now, that's the motto he lives by nowadays.

No point pondering about the future when all that we hold dear can be lost forever in a split of a second.



Life is too short.

No time to wait.

There's a saying - Life starts at 40.

I say, why take the chance?


The time to live, is now.

Sit back, hold tight, and enjoy the ride.

Doggy Style

Refuse to talk bout work today.

Finally one pathetic weekend off after god knows how many weeks of slave labor. Bleerrggh.

Not to mention playing vampire again on behalf of you-know-who who decided to go MIA on her very own terms half way through the day.

Oh snap, just rambled bout work again. My bad.

Today shall be Doggy day.

A four legged tribute to cuddliness.

Enough with the words. Let the pictures do the talking.

Wooof.








Wooof.

Old man syndrome

Back from hitting the mill.

Panting like a dog. Smell like one too.

Feeling slighty better than just now. Not exactly energized, though. Something's still missing.


Oh ya, its my iPhone/ iPod WTF. :(

Running without Prodigy on was painful. Without the music to pace myself to I find myself losing momentum and breath at a much faster rate than before. Britney Spears crooning ' Baby One More Time..' over the stereo doesn't help this one effing bit.

Didn't manage to cover much ground today -barely hitting a few km before the fatigue got to me. Feeling like an old man inside out. Just notice my hairline is receding and losing density at an alarming rate.

Damn it being old at 26 is bad enough; being old AND hairless is just effin pathetic.

I really should consider this BaWang thingy I saw at KK mart that day. Wonder if it really works. Not exactly sure I want a hairdo like Jacky Chan though. Hmmm decisions decisions.....


I need my music back.

Or at least a stupid phone for the time being.

On call tomorrow. Without a phone muahahaha.

I sooo can see this coming - Pt GM 100 s/c actrapid 500 unit stat given. Dr Teh noted, uncontactable x 1,000,000 WTF.


I foresee a really bad day ahead.

Pray for me if you ever want to read anything new here ever again.

FML

Run

Left work at 6 today.

Had to cover for an insufferable-excuse-of-a-houseman who blatantly decided that she shall NOT be taking any 6pm bloods for her cubicle's patients even thought boss explicitly ordered all of us to do so.

Ended up playing vampire on her behalf so that Belle won't end up with deep fried ass for dinner tonight. Poor thing.

Still miss my phone. Forgot how many times today when I reached into my pocket for my phone only to find the cold emptiness greeting my hand. Sigh.

Well, at least no pharmacists to hound me for improper prescriptions today.

Feeling abit low today. Tried to have a hearty dinner but the waitress forgot two out of the four items I ordered so feeling kinda half empty now.

Somehow coming down with this feeling that the world is out to get me or something. If there is a god I can surely say that I'm not exactly his favorite person on earth right now I guess.


Another Chinese auntie passed away in the ward today. Terminally ill patient who came in with one leg already into the coffin. CPRed for 10 minutes before the family gave us the greenlight to stop. ' Don't add to her suffering,' her son said. Solemnly stepped down from the bed so that they could say their final goodbyes. Felt like shit - mainly because I felt absolutely nothing. Just another passing on to scratch down the notch. Another death summary to do. Hoo- Hum.

I'm losing my humanity. Fangs and tiny horns are starting to sprout out of my head and the last time I checked I'm growing a forked tail.

I need to run. Run away from this condition that's consuming me.


Well I guess running away from work isn't exactly practical or ethically acceptable now in view of the current workforce shortage so........ah darn.

I guess I'll just have to stick to running on the mill for now.

Hope that at speed 10 my soul can break free from this earthly form it has been entrapped in, and disembark on an epic journey to find true happiness in the far beyond.

Gonna hit the threadmill now.

See you at 11pm. Godspeed with you, and me.

A snatch thief a day keeps the Apple away

Phone got snatched at Sg. Chua.

Malay male motorcyclist in a red jacket plate number WTH ???? couldn't catch the full number in time.

Sad.

Very sad.

Very very fucking unbelievably grief-strickenly arse-rippingly sad.

New phone leh. Only one half month old ler. RM2500 ler.

Sigh.

So much for trying to make a change for the better.

I guess making a change to be a better person doesn't mean shit if the rest of the world is happy with it's own selfish evil self.

So there.

No more doing good for the sake of mankind.

Coz frankly, mankind is not worth being done good for.

人性本恶....

Ren Xing Ben Er - Chinese saying which roughly translates to ' man is evil by nature'.

Guess I'm a believer now.


No more love for the banduan-banduans at the back cubicles from now on. Especially if their incarceration has got anything to do with theft.

Damn you snatch thief.

Hope that on your getaway you will crash into this huge lorry and get stuck under the wheels and get dragged a good few hundred yards while painting the tarmac red with your guts and all you can do is cry cry and cry...........

Yeah. Reading about that in the news tomorrow will really make my day.

Reflection

Still raining non stop.

Back from hitting the gym. Nothing beats sweating it out on the threadmill to Prodigy's Breath/ Firestarter/ Smack My Bitch Up.

Thupa-Thump-Thump of the bass synchronizing with every forceful beat of my heart, ejecting pulse after pulse of the lifestream across my body.

I feel alive. As always after a good run.

If only the chaotic orchestra that is the flashing lights and irate beepings of the cardiac monitors/ SP02 machines/ Ventilators/ Infusion pumps whatchamacallit could induce the same kind of adrenaline rush as what I experience back on the mill. Somehow it's such an irony that I don't experience the same 'fight or flight' response when theoretically I should be at an all time high ie. actively resuscitating patients/ running for the intubation set/ setting an emergency line etc etc. Most of the time I'd either be like 'oh, dang'/ 'er, staff nurse, patient mane yer?'/ doing my best Moose impersonation down to the very last 'Du-uh??'.

I think my adrenaline delivery system is a little haywired. Or maybe my brain's just fried. Wrong reactions to wrong signals. If I were a dog and Pavlov were to ring his bell, I would probably start leaking body fluids all over the floor, albeit most probably from other more embarrassing sources.

It's not that I don't care. I guess I'm just blase with the whole dying thing. Being surrounded by too much death and decay is literally eating away at my soul. And my humanity I think.

Felt absolutely shite at work today. Involuntarily grumbled a bit when the Specialist ordered ten thousand investigations and scans and taps and whatnot for all patients in my cubicle. Six patients only but it felt like I might as well had sixty. Somehow managed to complete most of the chores with a long face by 430pm. Had a little incident at work before off duty (refer to previous post).

Reflecting on today's work attitude.

When was the last time I did something truly for the benefit and well-being of my patients, for the sake of them achieving what they initially came here for - to be treated and cured of what ails them? When was the last time I've actually set an IV line with the sincere wish that my patient will receive her medication on time? Or the last time I called the Psy MO to refer a case stat so that my patient's suffering can be alleviated as soon as possible?

Shame.

Patients have become like a personal dartboard; each successful branula is another bullseye notched down on an imaginary score card. And each successful referral is another successful early discharge so that I can kick back and goyang my kakies earlier in the day.


What have I become??



Gotta get back in touch with myself.

Being the not-so-ambitious person that I am, I shall not dare resolute to making too drastic a change in too short a time. Saying that I shall hence forth treat each and every single patient like I would my own flesh and blood from this very second on, is just total bollocks. I'll just start off with trying not to hate my job from today on. Actually, well, I love my job. I just hate the way I have to carry it out. So there.

Here's hoping tomorrow will be a better day. If not for me, at least for the chubby popeye-armed Makciks residing in lil' cubicle 4 Wad 3 Hospital Kajang.

Anyway, gotta work on the iPod playlist - Air Supply's All Out Of Love coming up suddenly at speed 10 on the threadmill does wonders at throwing you off beat and, god forbid, off balance - all this which could result in a massive 'thud' followed by lots of blood spurting all over the place. Not nice.

Good night.

Pushover

Witnessed the full fury of Yangon at work today.

Rendered utterly speechless by her impossibly impossible sense of self-centeredness.

The stage:
Medical ward 3, Hosp Kajang

The backdrop:
Late noon, temp 35C and rising. Piledriver at work fixing the toilet pipings, patients moaning in pain/ ?ecstasy, staff nurses going ga-ga over the latest tudung fashion. In short, a total effing cacophonous mess.

The players:
Belle, sweet overworked but underpaid medical HO with a penchant for piercings and all things porky

Yangon, underworked but overpaid chirpy dimwitted aoooww-maaii-gaawwddness princess, Malaysia's latest import from the People's Dictatorial Hell of Burma/Myanmar/ whatever Chulalongkorn's sweet buns may call it

Me, the background extra

The epic:
Belle calling MO P to clarify orders for patient so-and-so.

Yangon chirping away in front of the phone.

Belle receiving orders at M16 speed from said MO.

Yangon still chirping away at heightened intensity.

Belle having a hard time picking up orders through the phone amidst the chaos.

Yangon still chirping away feverishly at full force, complete with hands-in-the-air dance moves, contorted facial expressions and a partridge and a pear tree.

Belle lost it. 'Shuush, I can't hear!'

..............

Blank stare. No more chirping. No more cooing. It's as if someone suddely snapped the Duracells out of Yangon and she just fell dead silent.

And then.

'(emulating bitchy chirpy confusing tone)Now can you hear?? If cannot why not you bring the phone to the back room talk there???' Followed by princess stomps off into the great beyond.

Mind you - it was a landline phone we're talking about. With a really short cord. And the dude on the other end was more or less Boss figure or something.

Poor Belle. Caught off guard left her in a wide-eyed dazed state one only gets when, well, one gets barked at by a chirpy dimwitted aoooww-maaii-gaawwddness princess. Er, aaii doowwnnt kknnooaaooww....

The nerves.

Yes, this Yangon, she's many things - annoying, airhead, downright clueless - but being the chirpy dimwitted aoooww-maaii-gaawwddness princess that she is, I never really came to expect her to ever snap back with ferocity (read: bitchiness) of such magnitude.

Especially not when she's only been here for like, what, 2 weeks or so?

Not to mention she doing this to one of the only few people who actually bothers giving a petty fuck about her existence.

Seriously, does the Dictatorial Military Government of Burma teach such stuff at school or something??

I don't know.

Poor Belle. Didn't even had a chance to retaliate. Probably didn't want to,either. 'I'm such a pushover,' she sighed.

Felt sorry for her. That for standing up for her and taking her shit while she woefully flutters off to God-knows-where all the time. Presumably to recharge her batteries to keep her chirp o' meter at maximum strength.

Sigh.

This is war, girl.

You brought this upon yourself. Pissing off the only person who bothered trying to be there for you.

Now let's see how you fare on your own.



Good luck, and good riddance.

Aawww mmmaaaiii gaaaaooooawwwddd......

Wet wet wet

Raining non stop.

Weather forecasts predict an entire week of thunderstorms over Klang Valley.

Listening to Wet Wet Wet's Somewhere, Somehow.

Couldn't find a more apt song to match the current weather.

A steaming hot cuppa and some Go-Nippon-Yamete-Don Cup noodles is all that's keeping me away from insta-heaven.

Sorry yogurt dear; it's not you, it's the weather.



Snap back to reality at the thought of work tomorrow.

Won't take a rocket scientist to figure out what this weather will do to the AEBA and AECOAD admission rates.

Siiiiiiigh.......




I love my job.

I just hate the way I have to carry it out.

Shucks.

Oh well, no point letting the nice midnight shower breeze go to waste.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz........

Ramblings of a pre and postcall mind

Enjoying the surreal experience of being both post AND precall on the same day.

Counting down the hours before the insufferable alarm clocks goes off and another grueling day begins.

Marching through the Halls of Death ala ward 2, 5cc syringe with attached green needle in one hand; alcohol swab, cotton ball n impromptu-glove-turned-tourniquet in the other.

Sadistic grin plastered all over face from cheek to cheek.

Through clenched teeth, squeezing out the same monotonous 'Sori cik kena ambik darah lagi nak check sikit maap yer sakit sikit macam semut gigit aje too bad semut api too muahahaha sucker....'


......
....
...
..
.

I think I'll make a pretty good mosquito in my afterlife.

Heck, make me a flea or whatever. At least no branula setting will be required for blood taking.


............
......
...
..
.

Okay this is the part where I have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about.

Time to tuck in.

Peace.

Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite.

Ma humps

Woooo......



Big humps.

Me likey......

.......

Aooww Maaaiii Gaaawwddd......

Losing it

OWW MAAII GAAWWDD I DOOWWNN"TT KNNNOOWW YOOUU KNOOOWWW!!????!!?!!

...........
........
.....
...
..
.


There.

Feeling much better.

Uuph.....


I'm such a bad person.

I don't know.

You know??

Oww maaii gaaawd.......

Nippon Go Cup Noodles Yamete-do!!!

Midnight hunger pangs ahoy...

Out of yogurt. Not good.


Gotta look abit more East for help now...

Well, leave it to the Japanese to come up with a solution for all matters big and small, hunger pangs not aside.




ジャパンカップヌードル！

5 minute insta-tummy-filling-honest-to-goodness-Sweet Yamete Japanese goodness Cup Noodles!!!

Miso flavored soup with udon-ramen hybrid noodles. Yum.

And, and......

See da gummy tofu looking thingy there?

It's a gummy tofu looking thingy.

Chewy, sticky, yummy.


500 kilocals of pure Japanese grastonomical sin.


Now I'm satisfied.

And I can't sleep with a full stomach.

On call tomorrow.


Oh noooooo...............